Feelings of the day: Defeated and Depleted

Today I was super nervous and excited to do LRS. I went last weekend on a run to a bridge with my friend Ashley. I had a great time, the weather was amazing, the run was easy, so I thought I would take my LR somewhere different. I was excited to see a different scene, people actually running and loving it. I was excited to drive by myself to a new place, which totally scares the shit out of me. It's crazy how many times I looked at my google map yesterday. That's a huge fear of mine, is driving somewhere new, but lord knows I do own a smartphone and I do have GPS lol.. Any ways I was really proud of myself that I didn't get lost. Made it to my destination . I was excited and happy but oh shit that mood changed right off the start. You see this bridge has a 5% incline at the start for about a mile. I made it up feeling already tired. Mile one was hard, painful and oh my hell so windy. I probably could have flown off the bridge. But I made it up and across and down and then back up. Besides mile 1 sucking running ass, the rest of the 4 were beautiful. Still hard. I hate running in the wind. I really just kept praying for God to please help me through. So I come down the hill, stretch, get some water and proceed to start again at that horrible hill for the remainder of my run. During my break at the water station, I noticed a women who was I'm thinking late 60s. Which of course I don't think is old, my mother is in her 60s and Doesn't look a day over 50 ;) Well I start up that hill, she starts up the hill and well I could already feel the pain. Oh Lordy my legs were killing me. I wanted to quit, she was going up this hill like it was nothing. I trailed up it leaving some distance behind. Then out of breath I stopped and waited for her. We were running the hill together but I just couldn't do it. I stopped, I just gave up twice. I looked at her amazed, but inside I have never felt defeated. I have ran hills before, but running a half marathon didn't hurt as bad as this horrible incline. I wasn't mad or sad, I just felt defeated by that incline. After walking up it a little bit I decided to get moving. We then caught up together and ran the rest of the bridge down. She continued to run on and I stopped and smiled at her as she left running her happy 60ish self on. She was amazing, she kept on going and I quit. The pain was horrible and I just quit. It was too hard, why? Well I will not let that define me, I will do whatever it takes to make it up, I've done it before I can and WILL do it again. I have to, I have a race on that same bridge in APRIL 😯. After that run my body felt like it just ran 15 miles. I was depleted. Tired, sweaty and hurting so bad. When your body is use to the same terrain for months and months, it gets use to that surface, changing it up and doing something harder and more challenging makes your body react and not in a good way. My hips hurt, my calves are tight and I am EXHAUSTED!!! But all in all I can say is while I have these feelings, I know that I will not let them define my running. If anything I will be stronger and have more determination. So big scary, hard ass incline, we will meet again soon;)