Confession time...

I've been slacking on my blog a little bit, things going on in my head. Things like planning my training for my marathon in January, getting my house cleaned before my mom comes and other brain activity but I have had one thing on my mind for the last 3-4 months...

I have a confession to make and it's really hard to confess this but I am. I was a smoker up until Friday night. Yep I was a runner who smoked. Well I didn't run and smoke at the same time lol but I was a smoker. Not a heavy smoker but enough that I knew I needed to stop if I really wanted to run a marathon. So I decided about a week ago that I was going to stop smoking and do the Ecig. Now the ecig is a order less vapor but you still get the nicotine. The liquid comes in different mg according to how much you smoke. I am not getting all the smoke and toxins from a cigarette. It's a step to quitting and I am very excited.

Back story.. I started smoking when I was 12. I continued until I got pregnant with Emily. Stopped then well 9 weeks later I was pregnant with Zack. Yes I was pregnant for 2 years lol.. But I didn't smoke during those times. However I started back up again. My husband asks me why I would start back up, are you kidding me. I have 2 babies 11 months apart. Better be glad it's just cigarettes  lol!!! But I did continue and have NEVER even tried to quit. NEVER. 

I started to say to myself " Amanda, you cannot smoke and train for a marathon", I literally don't know how I did all those races at that pace and smoked. My half marathon was amazing, I kept a steady pace of 9:34 for 13.29 miles and I think, oh my goodness that's insane that I did that and had smokers lungs. I would look at other women's runs and pace and think I bet they don't smoke. But I was so scared to quit. Then my coworker who smoked 1-2 packs a day got the Ecig let me tell you, if she can quit, then hell I can to. So I started to try hers and I felt that my nicotine fix was gone after puffing on that for a bit. So my decision was made.

I know it's not a week or a month cigarette free but for me it's huge, but I know I can do this. I love my running and I am excited to see how much it improves over time. I will tell you it works. I don't stink, my lips won't look all wrinkly and my nails will not turn all yellow. I really hated smoking but I needed that drug. Now I feel like I can have my cake and eat it too for the moment. 

I know my papaw would be so proud. He wanted me to stop for so long. I just wish I could have fulfilled his wish before his death. But I know he's smiling down and giving me that support and strength. 

To my wonderful husband: 

I know I've been a bitch, well give it a couple of days, it will fade lol!! Love you bunches!!!